I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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