My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
