she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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