'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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