we're chasing vodka with high fives
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
