If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We are all done wearing pants today
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
