He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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