I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
