The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize