I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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