If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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