11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
