i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
