I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
