My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
