I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
