she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
