i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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