oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
