i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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