I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
