capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
