Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My hand turned me down
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
