someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
