dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
