i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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