Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
