fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
