These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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