I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't turn off my feet"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
