ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
