so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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