You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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