I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
