Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
