Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
