help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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