PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
