When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
