i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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