I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
