where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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