My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
