how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
