Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
