I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize