marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
