Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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