just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
