five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
should my penis look like a turkey
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
