I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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