You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
