I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
