dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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