I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
