At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize