i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize