If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
