I bet he comes in French.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
