o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize