i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
