need another drink. this is the easiest way
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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