Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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