i don't like sucking hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
