I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
