member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
