I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
