I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize