Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
