Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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