Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize