When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
