I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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