Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
