I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
