Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
