I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
