You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize