She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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