im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
