i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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