If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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