i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
