i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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