I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
