New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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