I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found your dick twin last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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