dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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