I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
