dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
