the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
