I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
