"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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