Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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