Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
