Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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